I was 7 when you came
to see us. You, a visiting relative, came stocked with sweets, toys and tales
aplenty. My brothers and I loved you, for you added colour to our bleak, dusty existence.
You enthralled us with stories from- what was to us, the biggest wonder in the
world- the city. Rapt, we would listen when you described the big buses which
can carry A Lot of people at a time and how it can drive without stopping (Unlike
our lazy bullock). We would watch you with wide eyed wonder as you showed with
your arms stretched wide, how wide the roads are and run, clutching the end of
your kameez, giggling, as you showed
us how the trains run. We laughed when you told us about the People Of The City sitting on a chair to pee and felt
sad for the poor Women of the City who have so few clothes to wear that half
their bodies are left uncovered.
I was so amazed by you,
that when you came that night and asked me to come outside with you, I gladly
obliged. I still remember how dark the night was and how tightly I held on to
your hand as we walked into the bushes. I couldn’t contain my excitement,
anticipating what new things you would show me this time. I was already
preparing to wake my brothers up after we went back to tell them that you had
chosen only me to give this special gift. And mid-dream you touched me. At
first my cheeks, then my tiny chest…then with your groping fingers you
undressed me. You did things which my 7 yr old mind couldn't grasp. I lay there, biting down the pain and holding back the screams…maybe I
need to prove myself to deserve the gift? Surely there was a gift?
And then, when you were
done, you got up and left. I lay there, in the bushes, bleeding, waiting for
you to come back with the gift. You never came back.
The next day my father
found me, lying naked, next to the bushes. He rushed back into the house and
saw that you had left. He came back to me and jolted me out of sleep- A light
dream where I was playing with a pretty doll you’d promised you would bring me.
He woke me up and slapped me. Again and again and again. Then he sat down and
cried as he pulled at his hair. I wanted to go and hug him, ask him what the
matter was- but I was scared he would beat me up again. I stayed there till his
loud sobs turned into whimpers and eventually died down. Then he picked me up,
took me inside and wrapped me in a blanket.
I have stayed in ever
since.
You visited me often,
in my darkest nightmares. I run and you chase. Chase me with a doll…till I fall
off a cliff and wake up in tears.
Yesterday was the last
dream I had of you. 9 yrs. For 9 yrs I haven’t slept without seeing you in my
dreams. I yearned to sleep without waking up. Without tearing up. Without
knowing that I am torn. Forever, unmade.
So here I lie, floating
in the river, dreaming blissfully of things other than you.
Disclaimer: This is not my story. But it is the story of thousands of other girls, in India and around the world. A story which repeats itself everyday, taking with it lives of innocent girls, burying their dreams deep below.
