Saturday, 28 April 2012

The not-so-delicate art of procrastination

It's that time of  the year again. Students who had forgotten their status of 'seekers of knowledge' suddenly find themselves swimming against a tide of course works and assignments. As they attempt to tame this Frankenstein they have created over a semester, some of them morph into zombies.

 You can spot one of them walking, dazed, in the library.
 Today, we follow him.

Juggling a cup of coffee (Not to mention the cans of red bull already cruising through his lazy veins) in one hand and 39487487 books on the other, he makes his way to his favourite table in the library (Near the exit), convincing himself that he can do it, that it's not too late.

*Quick status update- In the library now! It smells like Jail! Lolzzzz!*

 He sits down. Books on table, coffee on the side. A sigh. Now what? It'll be a good idea to sharpen all the pencils he has. Done. Now...colour coordinate the pens! And arrange books in alphabetical order. No, size order is better. Laptop screen looks dusty. Let's wipe it till it shines! That done he looks around and spots millions of fellow zombies around him and all of them seem to be doing much better than him. Why, one of the sly bastards even has the nerve to show him a thumbs up! Aaargh..he must be almost done with his thesis. Time to spill some coffee on his laptop under the pretence of a greeting. No, can't do that, paid 2 pounds for this ridiculously bitter liquid.

*Quick Status update- I hate the coffee here! X-( *

Decides to go and take a look at how that arrogant zombie with a smug smile is faring. 'Hey dude! How's it going?' *smug smile gets smugger* 'Not too good man, I'm still in the conclusion.' *Imaginary slap to wipe off the smug smile* 'Dude, you're in the conclusion! That's awesome!'. Reply- 'No man...I won't have time to re-edit the draft..' *Mental conversation- I hate you, you $%£%^$%$£%$* Real reply-'ll do it man. See you later (*you £$$£"$R*)

*Quick status update- I hate people who pretend they haven't done much work, just to show that they're modest. They're sooo not. :X'*

Back to desk. Focus, Focus. Breathe in...breathe out. He meditates for 2 minutes to concentrate his inner positive energy and hopes that energy will sort out his work. Opens one eye, nope, work's still there, staring at him out of the evil pages.

*Quick status update- Starting my thesis! Wish me luck peeps!*

Ok. Be serious now. Open book. Index. Introduction. Page 1.

*Quick status update- I'm doing it guys! Starting my reading!*

His mouth and hands feel sticky. Oops he dozed off! Wipes off drool. Focus. Okay, this is interesting. He finds himself drawn to the book. One paragraph up, 42454556 to go. Time to pee!

*Quick Status update- Coffee goes right through me!*

Shuts book, caps pen. Walks slowly to the wash room. Passes a guy who he met once in the cafe queue in the first year. Stops and talks to him for half an hour about how much coursework is there. Done. To the wash room. Business done. Time to check himself out in the mirror. Style hair for 15 minutes. Walk out, towards the table. Change route- go to the cafeteria. Text friend- I need a break! Come to the cafe!
Crib for 2 hours, over Lipton iced tea and a slice of pizza, the amount of work the professors expect students to do. Time to go back. Spot table, open book. *Library announcement* 'Attention all library users. The library will close in 15 minutes'

*Quick status update: Enough with the coursework! Time to sleep!*

Next Day. Repeat Cycle.

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